Post pregnancy body blues

Today I woke up, carried a baby to our changing station in the bathroom, glanced in the mirror and got a rather large shock.

I didn’t recognize myself, my hair greasy (not a surprise), a chubby face (again not a total surprise), lines making my face look old and some grey hairs.

This was later the same day, I’d had a shower

Since being pregnant I’ve lost five stone and after months of being debilitated I had been feeling really confident; mind, body and soul. Before and during the early days of pregnancy I was suffering with anxiety and panic attacks where I attended therapy which gave me a whole new perspective, giving my mind and soul the much needed boost it needed. As I became healthier in the pregnancy I felt better and where I had lost weight I began to feel really happy again.

Before pregnancy

Post pregnancy

A few weeks ago I took Lola for an MRI relating to her floppy neck and weak arms. On the way back on the train, a man approached and shouted ‘move you fat bitch’. Everyone on the carriage gasped and I was fine until he said ‘lets hope she doesn’t turn out like you’. That stung. I mean I’d rather she turned out like a kind and forgiving person like I was instead of a cold and thoughtless person like him anyday.

When I looked into the mirror, for the first time I saw a new me. I hear a lot of people say how pregnancy changes you and up until now I thought it was for the better but now I’m not so sure. No I’m not an ideal weight, far from it but I was better than I was. A young family member recently asked me if I still had babies in there pointing to my stomach, it was quite embarrassing. My stomach is still affected from the pregnancy, as the day goes on it becomes really bloated which I suspect won’t last forever but is still weird and I think a post birth thing? My back is repairing itself so am going to Physio to help sort that and so much hair is falling out of my head I have to unblock the shower once a week. I swear you could make a wig with all the lost hair.

The evening bloat I was talking about

I’m not sure I like this new me. I love being a Mum and how my mentality has changed. I like how I feel much more active and to an extent seeing how time changes. Lola looks like a mini me and it helps me think about how much I have changed. Physically though the change is hard to accept.

I guess for most women the changes start to affect them during the course of the pregnancy. Most find the stretch marks, the expansion and the physicality differences tough. The end was tough I won’t lie but during the majority of the pregnancy I loved my bump, I didn’t really mind the stretch marks, I had loads already. Now though it’s horrific to look at. I try and be positive and say that’s what made the beautiful babies I have but when your skin has been so stretched out it’s sore and painful. And then there’s the Mum tum. I already had a tummy that I hated all my life but this is worse the skin is weird, the belly hangs differently and clothes don’t fit like they did.

I know I’m better than where I was in terms of my weight. I know it’s a big change to the body and it still needs time to get over it and get use to the changes. However it’s still a bit sad that I’ve lost an old part of myself. The new mind is better but the old body is not.

And it doesn’t help seeing these unrealistic celebrities flaunting their bodies off. It isn’t normal, it isn’t fair and it’s not healthy for people to think that is the expectation. Fuck off.

One of my best friend’s said the most amazing thing about the topic ‘The mind is infinitely more important even if sometimes we forget that when we look in the mirror’

What is your experience with body post baby? Are you struggling to feel comfortable in your skin? Do you enjoy your mummy body? Get in touch.

Love B

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4 thoughts on “Post pregnancy body blues

  1. So sorry to hear you encountered such a vile, nasty person on your train ride home. On the one hand, when I encounter people who are just plain rude I tend think to myself that maybe they’re just having a bad day. But not when the specific words used reek of misanthropy / misogyny – that to me is a clear sign that the person hates people / women. It’s one thing to be abrupt or impolite – but quite another to speak so hatefully to a fellow human being.
    Do you notice that you took on board only part of it? The part you were perhaps already feeling insecure about. You are right; there is so much pressure on women vis our appearance. And on that note – for what it’s worth – in your photos I see a pretty lady with a clear, glowing complexion who dresses nicely and takes good care of herself and her presentation.
    As for the part you don’t like – the few extra pounds; do you know that ‘the average woman’ in the UK is now 5ft 5″, 11 stone, and size 16? Yet so many women are unhappy about their bodies – this makes me so sad.
    Once I was in a terrible accident. I was told afterwards by police witnesses that they could not believe I’d survived it. But somehow, my body got me through it. My body sustained some damage and one day soon after, post shower, I caught sight of it in the mirror. Immediately the ‘critical eye’ kicked in. But then I realised how wrong my thinking was, right then and there. Suddenly I saw the damage my body had sustained in a different light. I saw my body almost as a separate entity (that may sound crazy but in truth when we objectify ourselves – by seeing ourselves in such a ‘shallow’ way, be it negatively or positively – this is exactly what we are doing!). That secondary moment of seeing my body as almost a separate entity (to my mind) made me then feel both sorry for my poor body for what it has been through and also extremely grateful to it for getting me through it, all at once. I saw my body then as AMAZING despite the broken bones and wounds. I swore at that moment that I would never criticise my amazing body again – and I thanked it out loud for getting me through the accident and keeping me alive. A body is not ‘amazing’ because it’s built like a Sindy doll – it’s amazing for what it can get us through, what it can do, what it can endure, and for the fact that it keeps on keeping on and working correctly each and every day and night. Our bodies really are AMAZING! And just look at what your amazing body did! You have grown and given birth to beautiful children – that is not just amazing, it is absolutely AWESOME!
    Haters gonna hate. The nastiness they spew tells you everything you need to know about them – and it tells you absolutely nothing about you. Your body is amazing and awesome – please, never forget it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a phenomenal comment this was. It’s so easy to get caught up in the superficial and forget how lucky we are for our bodies to fight for our survival. I’m so pleased to hear you’re better and thank you for helping me remember the importance of thanking it for helping me give me my beautiful children. I won’t forget your words.

      Like

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